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Community and the gods: an introspection

Teal deer warning: inside paganism baseball, finest kind

Finding myself drifting back into that whole polytheist/pagan/occultist argument. Dunno why, except that it's really annoying watching what I've usually considered "my community" flailing around in mutual bitchcraft bullshit. Some of it's my ingrained suspicion of unquestioning reverence for "the gods" and insistence that the only appropriate response to them is kneeling and worshiping them as they demand. For me, as an agnostic animist who operates in a primarily heathen cosmological construct, "the gods" are most usefully described as non-physical entities that present themselves to humans as certain personas, similar to ones that humans have described interacting with in the past. Whether these are the same entities that originally presented themselves as these personas is impossible to reliably state, and is not terribly important to me. As a matter of courtesy, I try and treat them as though they were the entities they present themselves as. I interpret our interactions with the tools I have, my mind and my emotions, and the available historical and communal data.

As part of that interpretation, I find myself remembering that the available historical and mythological data repeatedly says that the gods will often screw over humans for what appear to objective analysis as foolish or petty reasons, and will often engage in what appear to be destructive and malicious acts without explanation. I admit the strong possibility that these actions may in fact have nothing whatsoever to do with us, and may bear the same level of personal animosity towards us as I do to the occasional ant that I sweep up when I'm cleaning the store. But that doesn't mean that I'd expect that ant to worship me, and grovel and thank me for my beneficence. But then, I'm not a god.

I suppose that does kinda mean that I'm not a "true polytheist" in the sense that my relationship with the gods is a combination of utilitarian occultnik quid-pro-quo, investigative mysticism, and friendly/familial social interaction. I suppose that also means that I'm not really an integral part of the community at large, given that my deific relationships are so far outside of what seems to be the norm.

To be more realistic, I'm probably going to be more comfortable defining myself as part of the chaos magic community than as part of the pagan community. That's more or less where I started.

I began my ...whatever this is... journey as a tentative wiccan back in the late eighties. I faded more towards a vague eclectic paganish path, with strong hermetic/Golden Dawn/Thelemic influences, and then took a detour into heathenland. I kinda wandered into Asatru country, and then wandered back out towards the outskirts of heathenland. But while all this wandering was going on, I was always part of the Zee crew. That's probably been my longest running social interaction with an occult network. There's people in the Zee that I've been friends with for close to twenty years. And they've never rejected me because I thought the wrong things, or practiced the wrong way, or didn't have the same kind of unquestioning faith that they do. The Zee and the MOC are the groups that I've been continuously connected to for the longest time, and the ones that I continue to feel most at home with. And I'm pretty happy with that.

I'd like to think that I'm at least a peripheral part of the overall heathen community, even if it's just as one of those untrustworthy Lokean weirdos in the corner of the hall, but who can say, really?


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 16th, 2013 10:03 am (UTC)
IMO, there are two big problems dealing with the Agendas of Deities. Assuming
1: They're here for YOU
2: They're here for Humanity

Both of the above assume Humanity is the reason for at least the Planet and possibly the Universe. I'm sure EVERY self-aware lifeform in the Universe Feels the same...including all those presently EXTINCT.
Even allowing for 2, I realize that The Old Man wouldn't "blink" if to achieve His Ultimate Plan I had to die a horrible, Painful and Despairing Death. Knowing this isn't the same as being happy about it, even if it also meant the "Greater Good" in the long run. I'm not that Selfless anymore;>....

Jun. 18th, 2013 01:46 am (UTC)
Yeah.. I've always felt a close kinship with the Zees.
They're some of the few people out there with whom I can easily discuss nearly anything related to religion or occultism.
And they're often full of great ideas and experience.

Which reminds me, now that I'm a Masshole, if you ever make it over to Boston, we should have a drink or two.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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